Life sucks …

Was the headline of one of the mails that hit my inbox recently. Of course I had to read it. Are you ready, this is what she wrote:

  • Life is not about roses
  • Before I was 16 years old I moved more than 6 times
  • I do not have any contact with my biological father
  • I turned blind on 1 eye when I was 22
  • And I had a burn out when I was 30

Yes, misery and tragedy… life happens. That being said, I know that some of us have a tougher start in life than others. Believe me, we all have our share of life events.

My coach Jim Fortin keeps on repeating:

Life does not test you, life reflects you

Once you get the real meaning of this you cannot blame anything of anyone for your situation. I have always stated that you have to create your own life the day you turn 18 years old. OK, back to the mail I received. The case was: she was facing the D-word. A divorce. Can happen to all of us. But the thing was: she published a book, 1,5 years before her divorce. And the name on the cover was that of her man. Ouch … that really hurts. Imagine yourself, having worked on your book for months, invested at least € 5.000 to get it edited and published and then, 1,5 years later, these books stare at you and hurt you. Just because YOU chose to use his name. The stupidest business decision you can make. Trust me.  

This is only one example of a woman changing her name back again to her own name after a divorce. And the thing is: you have to change your website, your business card, your LinkedIn profile, your other social media profiles, everything. That is not only hurtful, but also very damaging to your business. It will cost you thousands of dollars and at least 12 months to get back on the same level. I suggest strongly to ALWAYS start and run your business on your own name. What you do in your private life is up to you. We are talking business here ladies!  You invest all your time and energy to build a following, to build a brand, to build your business. And you give it away in an instant if you do not choose wisely. Have you noticed that I always and consistently talk about your own name and not about this stupid phrase ‘maiden name’? Have you? Wonder why? Because men do not have a ‘boys name’ or something similar. We are all born with our own name. And that is the name we should use throughout our lives. Culture prevents women from thinking independently as long as we have crazy systems as getting married and only the woman changes her name. This is so deeply rooted in our cultures that we do not even question that anymore.
Traditionally marriage was intended to hand over the woman as a possession for the man and to legalize the offspring. Perhaps it is time to redefine the way we live together. Every change starts with awareness.  

Articles that I used to assure you and myself that we are not crazy and not alone:


My personal situation? 

I have been together with the same man since 1987. We never got married or felt the urge to do so. We do have a file at the notary office, testaments and the last will. My children are his children, they wear his name because we agreed upon his last name being nicer than mine. He didn’t care which name we would take. This has nothing to do with being weak or bossy. It’s just a team decision.